The number on the scale does not define you.
I used to weigh myself multiple times a day. My current mood ever dependent on getting a “good number”.
I was 14. I starved myself all day every day. I purged anything that managed to make its way down my throat.
I lost 25lbs in two months.
I honestly couldn’t even tell you why I started doing it. Maybe it had something to do with seeing that girl commit suicide, or maybe I was just a teenager trying to find my place in this world.
Whatever the reason, this lifestyle soon consumed me. I would challenge myself to see how long I could go without eating. I think my record was a mere 3 days. Which was followed by eating everything in sight (including that pizza in the garbage can).
I hesitate to even share this part of my life, but I know I’m not the only one who has gone through this cycle with food. I also know that this part of my life has played a huge role in the person I am today.
After years of the anorexia, bulimia, recovery cycle I was exhausted. Exhausted of being depressed, being down on life, not connecting with God or my friends and family. Tired of feeling like I was living a life I wasn’t a part of.
My food revelation started when I was 23, a few months after getting married. I watched the documentary “Forks Over Knives” on Netflix. I was hooked. I started looking at food in a whole new light.
Once I started learning about how foods affect my body, about how my body needs nourishment and not just calories, I started to become obsessed with learning. I dove into learning all I could about nourishing my body.
I watched other documentaries such as “The Beautiful Truth” “Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead” “Food Matters” and many, many more. I didn’t think I could ever cut out cheese and milk so I began a vegetarian lifestyle. However, I quickly gave it up when I became pregnant and starving. I gained 70lbs with my first pregnancy, 20 of which I am still holding on to.
The reason I gained so much weight was because I was a recovering anorexic and bulimic and I was also pregnant. I was trying to find a balance of “Okay I know this food is bad for me, but I am still choosing to eat it and enjoy it” and “this food is bad for me and I’m not going to eat it at all”. I was teaching myself the most important lesson, and that is to enjoy everything that I eat.
I felt like if I acknowledged that it was going to do nothing good for me, then it was okay for me to eat it because at least I knew I was eating junk. I was holding myself responsible for everything I ate. I still agree with this. I think having that mindset is the only way to recovery, and the only way to having a healthy relationship with food.
That was 5 years ago. Here I am now committing to go vegan for an entire year, and feeling super excited about it. I could have never done it 5 years ago. I wasn’t in that place in my life. I was just doing the best that I could in that moment. Its funny because the foods that I ate then, I never eat now, they aren’t even appetizing.
I focused on adding in good food, instead of taking away the bad food, and now all I want is the good food. It was a slow journey, it didn’t happen over night.
The biggest push for me was after I had my third baby last year. He was 2 months old and I was still just as sick and nauseas as I was when I was pregnant with him. I began to notice that after I ate meat I became very nauseas and often had a headache. So I went vegan.
The goal was 2 weeks, but I only made it one and half weeks. Like I said, I had a tiny baby and was still establishing breastfeeding. My milk supply dropped drastically because I wasn’t prepared for a vegan diet. Even though I wasn’t prepared the way my body changed was amazing.
Within 3 days all my nausea was gone. Gone. I was indescribably happy. My mood became more even, I saw life in a way I never had before. Thats why I keep coming back to vegan. The way it makes me feel. I’m more productive, I’m clearer minded, I don’t have constant headaches and nausea.
This is the first time in a long time I’m truly excited about something. 2018 is my year, I’m finally going to be on the road to the best version of myself. And I’m doing it for me, for my husband and for our little family.
I don’t want to look back 20 years from now and think about how much healthier I would be if I had only started in 2018.
Life is flying by and I only get one body, I only get one chance to raise my kids and one life to live. God gave me this body and it’s my job to ensure its health. I can’t with a clear conscious eat processed junk, or even cheese because I know how it affects me.
When I have a hard time make it past 9am because I ate a bowl of ice cream the night before then I know that eating ice cream is a sin for me because it keeps me from living the life God has designed for me. It is a hinderance, it brings me down.
I absolutely do not believe that this is true for every single person. Everyone is different. And even for myself I have a clear conscience eating a little bit of ice cream, but I know me and I know its not possible for me to just eat a little bit of ice cream. I’m an all or nothing kind of person.
So vegan 2018 here I come. I can’t wait to share the adventure with you all.